Toking Through Tuition
UCLA vs. USC, the Rivalry Escalates!
Written By: ZACH SELWYN
I was stumbling around 10,000 people at the UCLA Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) this past week when a young man approached me asking if I would like to donate money to the Armenian Students Who Refuse to Use Cast Iron Skillets Club.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“C’mon, unc, we need donations to keep our club afloat,” the guy said.
First of all, I hate being called UNC. Secondly, I asked this gentleman to explain to me what his “club” was about... He told me that it was literally for “Armenian students who felt like Cast Iron Skillets were dangerous to human internal organs.”
But I wasn’t in a giving mood. I was here looking for their weed-friendly Cannaclub table, where I was scheduled to meet the president of the organization and get some information about what their activities and goals were for the year. Before I go any further I should mention that the Armenian Cast Iron Skillet Club doesn’t really exist. But thousands of other clubs do... and they range from the UCLA Inmate Reform Club to the UCLA Wiffle Ball Club to the Asian Neuroscience Majors Who Love Vampires Club... and they were all trying to recruit members and get me to donate money to their causes.
Bewildered and surrounded by kids grabbing free pencils and Jolly Ranchers from every table, I finally texted the UCLA Cannaclub President Sydney Douglas and begged her to tell me where to find her. She texted back:
Meet me at the steps, I’m the girl in the green t-shirt that says ‘INDICA SATIVA HYBRID.’
My kind of lady.
Since 2018, both of Los Angeles’ top universities, UCLA and USC, have established respective cannabis clubs for students who partake. Hiii magazine tasked me with the assignment of hanging out with them, partaking with them and learning about their organizations—to talk to the future generation of cannabis leaders and get the skinny on their “friendly” weed club rivalry.
TIREBITER THE TERRIER
The USC-UCLA rivalry is one of the most polarizing and infamous in the country. For over 100 years, these two schools have participated in legendary campus warfare—from their GPAs to their famous alumni to their yearly football game and intense recruiting battles. We all know about the Battle for Los Angeles that takes place on the gridiron but how would that energy trickle down into the cannabis clubs? Would I find students chanting and chirping about how the other school’s cannabis club sucks? Would USC students brag about how they are the self-proclaimed “Harvard of the West?” Would UCLA kids remind the USC kids that Lori Loughlin once photoshopped her son rising seven feet out of the water in a photo to land him a Trojan water polo scholarship?
I wasn’t sure what I would find.
A big part of the rivalry is the Crosstown Cup, known at one point as the Gauntlet Trophy, a season-long competition that compares the Trojans and Bruins in every sport from basketball to track and field. The winner of each head-to-head matchup earns points. At the end of the year, whoever accumulates the most points wins. In the contest’s 18-year history, USC has netted 11 wins, including a streak of five consecutive years from 2008 to 2012.
And let’s not forget about the legendary battle of the mascots.
Arguably, the most infamous involved a dog named George Tirebiter. Known for chasing cars across USC’s University Park Campus, the terrier first appeared in the 1940s. Tirebiter’s notoriety only grew when he attacked UC Berkeley’s mascot in 1947. He posed with homecoming queens, rode in parades and even survived having UCLA hooligans shave “U.C.L.A.” on his hindquarters, known as the “Bruin dognapping escapade.”
The mission of these two cannabis clubs is the same: to educate and enlighten students, offer tours, internships, and activities. They tour grow houses and volunteer at conventions. They do health and wellness research and track down job opportunities.
Oh, they also like to smoke a ton of weed.
FUND-RAGERS, FREE WEED & JOINT-ROLLING COMPETITIONS
Douglas is in her second year as UCLA’s Cannaclub president. I watched as she tried to recruit potential members at the EAF with free Toker Pokers, a promise of 420-friendly social events and overall enthusiasm for cannabis. An LA native, she dreams of a career in cannabis and explained to me how their club charges $15 to become a “Best Bud.” The membership, which includes close to 350 students, gives you early access to parties, lots of free samples, and the chance to meet guest speakers who come to talk each year. (Last year Xzibit and Desto Dubb, the man behind the That’s an Awful Lot of Cough Syrup clothing brand, stopped by.)
Douglas invited me to the club’s Saturday night “Fund-rager” party at an apartment building in Westwood. She promised a bong bar, a dab bar, and mentioned a joint-rolling competition. They were also giving away an 18-inch custom UCLA bong. When I asked Sydney where she got all of this cannabis for the club, she explained that 100 percent of it was donated by local cannabis companies like CBX and Claybourne.
“I haven’t paid for weed in two years,” she informed me.
“You guys are geniuses,” I said.
My God times have changed. I thought back to my days in school in the mid ‘90s. If there was a way for me to get free weed in college I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to become Cannaclub president, printing 420 T-shirts and de-oxidizing bong water for members. Instead, we had to drive to Fifth and Alvarado Street by MacArthur Park, yell “Mota” three times, only to be escorted to the back of a pork slaughterhouse where we met a dude named ‘Puppet’ who sold us a bag of stems and sticks for $25. To top it off, we smoked it from a homemade apple bong. Now, these clubs have custom smoking devices being made for them and jars of flower shipped to their doors.
Walking with one club member around the UCLA quad, I decided that the time was right to spark up a campus pre-roll. It was 82 degrees out, the sun was shining, and I was amongst the youthful energy of hope, innocence, and dreams.
“Bro, you can’t smoke weed on campus!” the kid told me before slapping my J out of my hands. “We could lose our status.”
I sheepishly pocketed the joint and walked over to the Theater Majors Who Are Children of Extramarital Affairs table where I scored a free beer koozie.
After hanging with the UCLA Cannaclub for a while, I suddenly began to feel old, especially when my story about getting busted for smoking outside of a 1996 Blues Traveler concert failed to land.
“Who the fuck is Blues Traveler?” one kid quipped. So I split.
I was due over on the USC campus a couple of days later for their Cannabis Club movie night. Sophie, the USC Club co-president, informed me that they would be smoking and screening Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.
Perfect.
A few days later, I headed down to USC. (Full disclosure: USC is my alma mater.) The school has changed immensely since I was there—tuition is now 70K and there are nearly impossible admissions standards. The only reason that I got into USC was because it was only a year after the 1992 LA riots. Literally, nobody else applied. If I was to apply today, I would be laughed out of the door and shipped off to UC Merced.
I remembered that when I was a freshman, I had an ill-fated month where I tried to become a dorm room pot dealer. I shipped in brick weed from Tucson, stuck orange peels in it, and put it in the fridge in an effort to make it smell “danky.” But people caught on when I tried to mark up the price and pass it off as “Chronic.” So, in the end, rather than make any money, I ended up giving most of it away and getting high on my own supply. Somehow, I ended up owing myself $120!
THE HASH HOUSE: WHITE CASTLE CHEESEBURGERS, CHILL, NETWORK & SESH
The USC Cannabis Club is located in an off-campus house located just off of Vermont near the Ralphs where I was once caught shoplifting a turkey back in 1997. Known as the “Hash House,” it is a run-down structure built in 1908 that has a perfect party backyard, a living room custom made for stoners and four enthusiastic, cannabis-loving students residing inside. The living room is set up as a place where, to quote Sophie, students can “sesh, snack, chill, and network.”
And then Sophie asked me to remove my shoes before entering... which is something I’ve only experienced at high-end dinner parties or that one week I spent in Japan. I never thought I’d be asked to remove my Birkenstocks while entering a college home where the carpets were most likely riddled with weed ash and Hot Cheeto crumbles...
I took a seat around the coffee table, which was covered in bongs, stickers, pre-rolls, and flower. Members began showing up. The herb was smoked. It was, as the kids say... a vibe.
“I have White Castle cheeseburgers if anybody wants one,” Sophie added.
Right. The flyer for the movie night did mention that there would be “Free White Castle Burgers” since we were watching Harold & Kumar. However, since White Castle restaurants only go as west as Las Vegas, I inquired as to where these burgers actually came from.
“I just bought the frozen stuff from the freezer section,” Sophie said.
“Lowkey I don’t fuck with White Castle burgers,” added Tori, one of the members.
“Shit, I bet it’s better than the Popeyes on Figueroa,” another said. “That’s the only boarded up Popeyes in the world.”
“Every time I order Postmates from that Popeyes it gets stolen,” Maddie, Sophie’s co-president, revealed while laughing.
“Good to know that USC hasn’t changed much,” I said.
As we all chatted about the safety concerns that come with living in South Central LA, I offered a suggestion to the club members.
“You guys should start a podcast about the Popeyes on Fig and all the crazy shit that goes down in this neighbor- hood.”
“Oh, that’s original,” Tori said.
And we were off. Laughter, smiles, good energy, and playful ribbing. Just like that, I was back in college. We spent fifteen minutes talking about how their club schedule is mapped out over the year. We almost started the movie seven times but got distracted. A cat with rabies tried to enter the house. It was... awesome.
...we smoked it from a homemade apple bong. Now, these clubs have custom smoking devices being made for them and jars of flower shipped to their doors.
A CANNA-RUMBLE ROYALE
USC’s big cannabis event is called “Grass on Grass,” an industry mixer that offers networking, product demos, entertainment, and more. They rent a large space and get the student community together. Much like UCLA, Sophie explained that the club and its activities act as a safe place for students who don’t exactly want to conform to traditional university activities. They believe in using entertainment and activities to educate and bring people out of their shells and into social situations.
“I mean, that’s what college is about,” Sophie expressed. “It’s about making fucking memories and I feel like people forget about that because of the damn fucking phones.”
“So, how do you measure up to the UCLA Cannaclub?” I asked.
Silence.
“Well, we’re different,” someone said in the crowd. “We are Cannabis at USC. They are a Cannaclub entity.”
What does a Cannaclub entity mean?” I inquired.
Through the plumes of smoke someone uttered: “Cannaclub entities are chapters that are spread across different universities. We’re independent so we don’t have anybody helping us promote or run our club. Cannaclub at UCLA is dope, we just do things differently.”
Digging deeper, I uncovered that the flagship Cannaclub chapter was started in 2018 at UCLA by a woman named Maha Haq. Since then, Maha has helped a bunch of other university Cannaclubs get started and she takes pride in setting them up and establishing the bylaws of the club.
Oh... she also told me that USC’s chapter was originally a... Cannaclub.
Wait a minute. So USC defected from the Cannaclub conglomerate? Yes, according to Haq. Following the pandemic, USC stopped using their Cannaclub status to become “independent.” This has upset some of the Cannaclub chapters across the country. One UCSD student, who refused to be named, told me: “Whatever... private school kids are just like that.”
Oh snap! Is there a potential canna-rumble on the horizon? Independent cannabis vs. cannaclubs? Will it be like that moment in Anchorman when Ron Burgundy’s news team fights Wes Mantooth’s news team?
A cannabis club rivalry royale!
However, after speaking to a couple more USC and UCLA students, I doubted that it would ever come to fruition. Nobody was about to meet up and brawl, throw eggs at their meeting places, no toilet paper in the trees. This wasn’t exactly a West Side Story type thing. Also, we all know that weed smokers aren’t as quick to throw hands as, say, a couple of Delta Tau Omega boys on a Busch Light and whippets bender.
A few days later, I realized that I totally slept through the UCLA “fund-rager” party. It was one more way that my life had turned around since my days in college. I used to sleep through classes... Now I slept through weed parties. I called Sydney and apologized. She was cool about it and said that the party was super packed.
“Honestly, you could have told me you were there and I would have believed you,” she said.
Is there a potential canna-rumble on the horizon? Independent cannabis vs. cannaclubs?
She also told me that the UCLA Cannaclub would be providing volunteers for the 8,000 strong Puffcon in October and revealed that the club has a recent partnership with Lavinia Cannabis Sex Lube. Once again, their club was given something that in college would have been a better option than my roommate’s jar of Carmex.
I wished her a great final year at school. I also told her to keep me posted on what other events were shaping up for the club and mentioned that I might jump on their Twitch stream. I told Sophie the same and encouraged both of them to enjoy every minute of their college lives and recommended that they watch the 1994 college comedy film PCU.
REPORT CARD
After hanging with these USC and UCLA students, I actually felt like all was going to be right in the world. The energy and positive thinking towards a bright future was a nice change from the conversations I’d been having recently. Nobody in these clubs complained about AI or the death of the film and TV industry in Los Angeles. Everybody seemed happy. They were excited for the future and for their lives and careers to begin. It was inspiring. I’d give both clubs an A-plus!
After leaving the Hash House at USC, I decided to drive around the old campus. There were bleary ghosts everywhere. I went down Fraternity Row, passed my old apartment, and mourned the loss of some of my favorite bars. They say you can’t go back, but it sure felt weird looking at the same street corner where I once vomited six Midori Sours after a “Pirates and Wenches” frat party.
Eventually, I drove by a group of students holding some sort of rally. It was a fundraiser of some kind. I yelled out the window to a guy waving a sign and asked him what he was raising money for.
“Post-Traditional Dental Students Who Only Paint with Oil Pastels!” he yelled.
I drove back past the Hash House and looked into the window. They still hadn’t started the movie yet
